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When my vagina doesn’t act like it should



What if you cannot control certain muscles in your body? And if these muscles are directly associated with happiness in your sex life? What would it be like if it not only affected your sex life, but also your everyday lifestyle? This is the case for sufferers of vaginismus. It may not be familiar to some people but vaginismus is one of the most common sexual disorders that women can experience. So what causes vaginismus and how is it treated?

Vaginismus, My Body’s Refusal

✔️ Symptoms

The vaginal muscles involuntarily contract excessively and become tight. When a penis or a finger attempts to penetrate the vagina during intercourse it can very painful or even impossible.

Some may be unable to use a tampon and suffer from such great pain that even health examination is difficult.

It generally occurs in women with less experience of intercourse, or attempting sex for the first time, but due to many reasons it can happen at any time to people who have had sex without pain before.

Vaginismus can occur not only when something enters the vagina but in some cases can also occur when the genital area is pressed or lightly touched.

✔️ Causes

The causes of vaginismus have not been clearly identified but it is often associated with psychological factors.

  • Sexual harassment in childhood
  • Believing that intercourse is embarrassing or bad
  • A previous painful or bad experience with sex
  • Anxiety that the vagina may be too tight/small
  • Fear of continuous painful intercourse
  • Fear of getting pregnant or infected with STI’s
  • Experience of uncomfortable medical examinations

It can also be impacted by physical factors.

  • Sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
  • Endometriosis
  • Genital surgery
  • A wound from an injury
  • Reduced estrogen after menopause
  • Pelvic inflammatory diseases
  • Vaginal lesions and tumors

✔️ Treatment

If symptoms of vaginismus are affecting your life, you should see a doctor to receive the appropriate treatment. After seeking medical advice, you can try various physical and psychological treatments and self-care. This is a common disorder experienced by many women so we have included some detailed treatment plans here too. .

‍👩🏻‍⚕️ Seek Help From Experts

  • Sex Counselling

    - Women suffering from vaginismus can also feel sexual desire. For many, the difficulties in penetration cause marked distress. If the psychological cause of vaginismus is due to an issue such as a traumatic sexual experience, you can get help through counselling.

    - This can reduce anxiety and distress during intercourse and enhance your communication skills with your partner.

  • Psychotherapy

    - The main purpose of psychotherapy is to reduce anxiety about the symptoms of vaginismus.

    - It can be helpful to reduce any severe pressure on women who have experienced sexual abuse.

    - It also helps you understand how your thoughts and emotions impact your subconscious.

  • Kegel Exercises

    Vaginismus can include excessive contraction of the vaginal opening and pelvic muscles. Learn how Kegel exercises can help you contract and relax your pelvic muscles.

🛋️ Things You Can Do At Home

  1. Touch the closest area to the vaginal opening that is not painful to the touch.
  1. Steadily get closer to the vaginal opening every day reducing the distance.
  1. As your hand gets closer to the inner labia, observe using a mirror and try expanding the vaginal opening.
  1. Try to keep your vaginal opening expanded.
  1. Once you're able to touch your vaginal opening without feeling pain, try inserting one finger to get used to penetration.
  1. If the penetration does not feel painful, try placing dilators (such as a small sex toy) inside your vagina for 10 to 15 minutes.
  1. If applying pressure with the vaginal muscles is possible, try again with a bigger dilator.

Can a penis really get stuck due to vaginismus? You may have heard the rumor that a man’s penis can get stuck during sex due to vaginismus. The possibility of this happening, in general, is close to zero. Vaginismus occurs before penetration therefore penetration itself is difficult. Even if vaginismus occurs after penetration, partners should be able to separate once the penis is no longer erect. While potentially painful or uncomfortable, partners should be able to separate quite quickly.


  • Even if you're mentally and physically ready, your vagina may not be.
  • It may or may not be a simple mental issue. Actively seek help from experts.
  • Sex isn't only about penetration. Don’t be impatient and slowly treat the symptoms while enjoying your sex life in other ways.

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