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AROOO Interview : Polyamory Couple’s Secrets

AROOO Interview : Polyamory Couple’s Secrets

1. My wife said she wanted to try dating women

AROOO Interview : Polyamory Couple’s Secrets

What do you think the ideal relationship and love looks like?

Despite 3 million years of human history, it is relatively recent that 'monogamy' has become the standard. Most living things on Earth still have open relationships. Only 3% of mammals are known to stick to monogamy. Biologists analyze that monogamy is a very disadvantageous system for our survival, defying natural instincts. The biggest advantage is seen as 'child rearing'.

In this AROOO interview, we will tell you the story of a loving couple who overturn the rules of "marriage" that we most naturally accept. Let's take a look at different types of relationships that people can have and talk about it together.



❤️ A couple falls in love

💍 Marriage and then?

🤹‍♂️ Decision for Polyamory

🥂 Restarting dating

💥 Both joy and sadness

♟️ Setting the rules

🤼 Meeting the polyamory community

🗺️ Exploring between love and friendship

🎁 The story of enlightenment

📂 Profile

☑️ Please introduce yourselves.

🥛 Banana Milk (aka. Bana) 30, Works from home, likes dancing and visiting cute cafes. Hates dishonesty and humidity. Is into webtoons these days.

🍮 Caramel (aka. Cara) 29, Works as a tutor. Likes meeting new people, dancing and cooking. Hates fake people. Is into self care and accessories these days.

☑️  How would you describe each other?

🥛 Cara is loyal, confident and always lifts other people up.

🍮 Bana is confident, cheerful and knows what she wants and says it.

 ❤️ The Moment You Fell In Love

☑️ How did you two meet?

🍮  We were both working in the same small province where everyone knows everyone. a friend of a friend introduced us, I was like ‘is she hot?’ but my friend was like ‘she’s more than that, she’s confident and nice and likes dancing’. we met and I was like ‘oh damn!’ but I was too shy to really say anything. Two or three weeks later we met at a business conference and our seats ended up next to each other

🥛 Ended up next to each other, haha he sat next to me!

🍮   we ended up sitting next to each other, we chatted and got along really well, we exchanged numbers and stuff

☑️  What was your first date like?

🍮 on the long weekend I went with friends to Seoul

🥛 I asked him to come hang out with me and my friends… We went dancing and talked for the whole next week, while we were separated. Then we met in his city. Spent the whole day.

🍮  We had a date planned but we never did anything, we just talked for 8 hours

🥛 we communicated really well. And we could be ourselves.

🍮 I think the biggest thing for me was my quirkiness and weirdness, I could just be. It didn't matter. She accepted all of my strange antics

🥛 Spoke about anything, even if we got upset. Like when someone called the other one an ex’s name… Several times.

☑️ What changed after you fell in love?

🥛 We spent as much time as we could with each other. We’ve learnt a lot of new things. Like he taught me to cook.

🍮 She’s still teaching me to dance with a partner. she teaches me how to communicate with people. Oh, that's a big one. That's why I'm such a decent communicator. Getting better?

🥛 You did a lot of work.

💍 Getting Married

☑️ When and how did you guys get married?

🍮 Visa. Strictly business? Pretty much.

🥛 I mean, at the time we were thinking of moving to the US and so it prompted us to think about how we did want to be together forever.

🍮 Here, America, wherever we are.

🥛 Then we were married during covid so none of our family could come. just a couple of friends. We got married on Christmas Eve.

☑️  How has dating and marriage been different?

🥛 Marriage didn't really change our life much because we had already been living together, doing things together. Our families knew each other.

🍮 Except that more people will recognize how important the relationship is to us. but learning to date again, though. man. I suck at dating. I don't know. I don't know how to flirt anymore…

☑️ What does marriage mean to a polyamorous couple?

🍮 There are different structures in polyamorous relationships. Like we don't want it to be, you know, strict hierarchy in that this is my wife, so you know, for everything I must ask her all the time. But at the same time, financially, I kind of have to you know... So, you and I, we're dating, but I'm not going to talk to you about my housing situation and stuff. Right? That's always going to go through her.

🤹‍♂️  Diving into Polyamory

☑️ Who first suggested polyamory?

🥛 It was a long process that started with me realizing that my sexual identity isn't straight. So, I was open with Cara about my sexual identity. That I wasn't just interested in men and as I was talking with Cara about that part of my sexual identity he actually suggested that we, maybe, have an open relationship or let me try dating women or like, exploring. Exploring a physical relationship with women, maybe. And so from there. We started learning more about non-monogamy.

🍮 I didn't want to feel like because she hadn't explored that part that in the future she sort of has regrets about it, you know. She just always thought she was straight and so naturally ends up in a hetero marriage relationship that she's now stuck there. I didn't want us to just be comfortable, which we are and were. But for her to be like, “I wonder how this would have been, I wonder how that would have been.” Well, now she could have at least tried. That was the initial idea, you know, and if it was a case where she was more lesbian than bisexual even… Right.

🥛 He even said yeah if it turns out that I actually prefer women that we could change our relationship.

🍮 We would still have been very good friends because that's part of why we got married and have a loving connection. This is my homie. My G. My best friend...

☑️  What does polyamory mean to the both of you?

🥛 So from there, we learned about non-monogamy and found out that there are different kinds. And the idea that people can love more than one person and have serious relationships with more than one person. That connected with us, that idea was appealing to us.

🍮 We looked at it in the lens of you don't just have one friend for everything. So why should one sexual or intimate relationship hold all other aspects of sexual intimate relationships?

🥛 Yeah getting all of your romance or sexual intimacy from one relationship became kind of a unrealistic idea for us. Like as we learned more and more and both of us also are learning about ourselves and our communication styles and needs.

☑️ How did you actually begin?

🥛 So we tried a couple of different versions. First, we thought it would be easiest to find someone who would date both of us so that I wasn't leaving Cara out of the picture.

🍮 Funnily enough, it was kind of easy to find someone relatively quickly!

🥛 We did find people who were interested in dating with us, but. Scheduling is really hard and people have different commitments or levels of what they want. Yeah, And it's difficult balancing with three people. We were also at the same time learning more about our insecurities. And jealousies… Then we felt comfortable enough to try dating separately.

🥛 We met people on apps and in real life, by going out.

🍮  Right so it was easy and it isn't easy. Funny story….

99% just asked the same question what's poly? what's ENM? and after I explained it then… I would just see the chat disappear.

If you’re curious about what ENM means,

and the reactions of that remaining 1%

look out for the next episode of ‘AROOO Interview : Polyamory Couple’s Secrets’!

To be continued…

The Story up to Now

❤️ A couple falls in love

💍 Marriage and then?

🤹‍♂️ Decision for Polyamory

🥂 Restarting dating

→ We've read up to here!

Coming up Next

💥 Both joy and sadness

♟️ Setting the rules

🤼 Meeting the polyamory community

🗺️ Exploring between love and friendship

🎁 The story of enlightenment

→ ..will soon be revealed!

AROOO INTERVIEW - ing ”I’ve never talked about this before” A conversation that’s only possible in A Room of One’s Own 아루 인터뷰 절찬리 진행 중!
나는 동시에 두 사람을...

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    엄청난 윤슬


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    숨어있는 자기 9

    양성애자는 누구에게 끌리냐의 문제이고 폴리아모리는 관계를 맺는 방식의 문제인 것 같아요

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    숨어있는 자기 15

    주변에 본인을 폴리아모리라고 말하는 친구가 있어서 그런지 더 궁금해요!

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    숨어있는 자기 16

    여러분 이게 조심해야할 거 같은게 바람피우고 '나... 폴리아모리야' 하는 경우도 있다고 해요 정말이라면 최소한 먼저 다른 상대를 만나기 전 파트너와 합의는 있어야 해요. 합의를 했지만 질투를 할 수는 있죠, 하지만 다른 상대랑 하다가 들키고 나서 폴리아모리라고 밝히는 것은 파트너에게도 그 다른 상대에게도 예의가 아니랍니다

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    숨어있는 자기 17

    맞아요 합의가 젤중요!

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    숨어있는 자기 18


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    숨어있는 자기 19

    새로운 분야를 알게되었어요. 술술 읽혀서 재밌네요.

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    숨어있는 자기 20


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    숨어있는 자기 21

    어떤 간호사가 폴리아모리는 애인이 있는데도 다른사람한테 끌리는걸 맞는 일이다고 강하게 믿고 있어서 정신병의 분류안에 들어간다던데

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    늠름한 백조자리

    아찔하긴 하지만 신기하다

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    숨어있는 자기 22

    이해는 안가요...ㅠ

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    숨어있는 자기 23


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    차가운 아기오리

    진짜 재밌는주제다

  • user thumbnale
    숨어있는 자기 24

    나는 사랑을 공유하는게 싫음~! 폴리아모리면 제발 미리 말해~ 감정+시간 낭비 아까우니까.

  • user thumbnale
    숨어있는 자기 25

    언제 다음편 나올까요ㅠㅜ

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    숨어있는 자기 26

    오 좋은 것 같아요.

  • user thumbnale
    숨어있는 자기 27

    이 글은 양성애자와 폴리아모리 이야기가 같이 있어요 양성애자이고 모노라면 상대 성별이 무엇이든 한 명이겠죠 폴리아모리는 둘 이상의 사랑하는 상대를 두는 것이기에 예시로 이성애이기만 하다면 이성이 둘 이상 있는 것이에요

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    숨어있는 자기 28

    그냥...폴리아모리 볼 때마다 생각하는 건 이런 말 하면 내가 이해 못 하는 거라고 생각 할 수 있는데 여러 사람하고 관계도 맺고 인간적인 관계도 맺고는 싶은데 한 연인을 사귀면 그게 안 되니까 폴리아모리라는 명분 하에 합리화 하면서 만나는 사람들 같음.. 솔직히 내 주변에 두고 싶지 않음 합법적 바람이랑 뭐가 다른지도 모르겠고 보통 얘기 들어보면 그냥 자기 합리화임.. 새로운 사람한테 끌리는 거 있을 수 있다고 치는데 그만큼 한 사람과의 진득한 관계를 지내지 못 하는 사람들이라고 생각 함 과연 폴리아모리라 내가 여러 사람하고 하고 연을 맺는게 좋은 건지 그저 애정결핍에 여러 사람에게 사랑 받는 걸 좋아하며 책임감 없는 그냥 내 맘이 가는 대로 하고 싶은 건지 잘 생각해보길 바람..

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    숨어있는 자기 29


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    숨어있는 자기 30

    의학유튜브 영상에서 폴리아모리고 자진모리고 라는 댓글 본적 있었는데 그거 생각남.... 제발 밝히고 연애해주십쇼 제발

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    숨어있는 자기 31

    쩝... 상대의 성별은 상관없지만 독점욕이 강한 나로서는 이해하기 어렵네...

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    숨어있는 자기 33

    좋게 포장한 지랄병이라고 밖에는

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    숨어있는 자기 34

    너무 재밌어요

  • user thumbnale
    숨어있는 자기 35

    일부일처제가 본능을 거스른다는 주장은 반은 맞고 반은 틀린 말이에요. 사람들이 흔히 일부일처제하면 기러기처럼 평생 한 개체와만의 삶을 생각하는 경향이 있는데, 연속적 일부일처제라는 개념도 있습니다. 짝짓기를 하고 새끼를 낳아 어느 정도 새끼가 성장할 때까지만 부부가 밀착되어 살고 그 후에는 각자 떠나는 겁니다. 새끼를 낳아 기르는 동안에만 일부일처 관계에요. 대부분의 조류들이 이러하고, 인류의 조상도 이러했을 거라 추측합니다. 조류와 인간의 공통점은 새끼를 낳고 기르는 데 아주 큰 비용이 들어간단 점이에요. 인간의 아기는 다른 동물의 새끼보다도 훨씬 무력하고 무능하니까 다른 대다수의 포유류처럼 어미만 돌봐서는 생존이 보장 되지 않습니다. 그래서 아버지도 돌보거나 어머니가 애를 보는 동안 식량을 구해와야 합니다. 이 때문에 일부일처제가 인간의 본능이 될 수 밖에 없어요.

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    숨어있는 자기 36


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    숨어있는 자기 37

    어쨌든 폴리아모리는 누군가 상처받을 수 밖에 없는 거인듯ㅠㅠ데이트 상대방이나 파트너나… 제발 한 번에 한 사람만 사랑합시다…

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    숨어있는 자기 38

    모든 폴리아모리가 그런 건 아니겠지만... 너무 사랑하는 사람이 폴리아모리라고 커밍아웃해서 그 뒤로 다자연애를 시작했어요. 그런데 다자연애를 한 뒤로 저와 만나거나 대화하는 횟수가 줄었고, 저와 만나는 날은 알고보니 상대방이 바빠서 막 부를 사람을 찾는 거였어요... 그땐 항상 성관계를 맺었는데 몸이라도 잘 맞아서 다행이라고 생각할 정도로 망가져 있었어요... 물론 이 사람이 다자연애할 때 예의가 없던 사람일 수 있지만... 어떻게 거르나요 이런 사람을... 저는 다자연애는 어려울 것 같아요... 물론 너무 사랑하는 사람이 또 진지하게 고민한다면 약속 잘 정하고 하겠지만... 하기 무섭네요

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    그댈위한 갈대

    여기 댓글들.. 모노가 폴리 이해 못 하는 건 당연한건데 자기가 이해 못하겠다고 혐오말 그만 했으면. 이미 폴리아모리 관계를 구축한 사람들은 상대에 대한 독점욕이 없거나 조율할 수 있는 사람이라서 그 관계를 맺는 거겠죠? 제3자가 와서 '그런 건 절대 불가능해' 하고 떠들어봤자...네, 당신한테 불가능하니 그렇게 보일 뿐입니다. 그리고 본인이 폴리아모리라며 상대 동의 없이 바람피고, 다른 사람 만나면서 소홀해지고...이건 그냥 그 인간 자체의 문제죠? 사실 인격적으로 정상적인 폴리아모리면 모노가미를 만날 리가 없죠. 사실상 모노인 여러분이 만날 수 있는 건 그 몇몇 개념없는 자칭 폴리 뿐인건데...개인적인 경험으로 이미 존재하는 집단을 함부로 멸시하지 마세요.

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    그댈위한 갈대

    당신이 다자연애를 할 수 없는 사람인데 상대가 요구한다면 그냥 만나지 않으면 됩니다. 원래 폴리와 모노의 관계는 한 사람의 일방적인 희생이 없으면 이루어질 수 없어요... 폴리가 애정결핍이니 책임감 없을 거니 멋대로 단정짓지 마시고요. 실제 폴리아모리 관계를 맺으려면 여러 사람에게 신경쓰고 시간을 분배해야 하니 일대일 관계에서보다 더한 책임감과 서로 간의 많은 대화, 조율을 요합니다.

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    숨어있는 자기 39

    겁나 말 많네

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